


Coffee

by derp2lol (Ihere)



Series: PoliceForcestuck [5]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Ashen Romance | Auspistice, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Coffee, F/M, Friendship, Work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-29
Updated: 2012-04-29
Packaged: 2017-11-04 12:27:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/393833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ihere/pseuds/derp2lol
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Officer Karkat Vantas just wants his damn coffee.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Coffee

Officer Karkat Vantas drills a pencil into his head hoping that the pressure will help his hangover. Sadly, it does not.

The troll officer stops the drilling when he realizes that he’s just making the headache worst for himself, plus he thought that he felt some bleeding. He puts the pencil down and sighs over the emptiness of the day. And a shitty day at that, for because of Karkat’s hangover, which started over a night of drowning himself in alcohol, he woke up late and was forced to shorten his daily routine. Shortening his routine leads to him skipping the morning coffee run, a task that is of the most sacred. 

Karkat slams his hands into his face groaning, his partner against crime, Officer Jade Harley, notices this and rolls her eyes. She has become acquainted with hangover Karkat, and knows when to leave him be. She turns back to the paper work that she and Karkat are supposed to be working on. 

The troll shuffles the papers around wondering if that’ll make them more interesting, but it doesn’t. The documents are boring shit work involving speeding tickets, failed armed robberies, littering, and one very awkward case of public nudity. BORING. FUCKING. SHIT.

The pounding headache is still not going away; Karkat finally realizes that he has no other choice but to drink the cursed coffee in the police department break room. Oh the horror he must endure; that shit is so cheap because Chief Zahhak keeps them on such a small budge. But nonetheless, Karkat must have some of that coffee and fast.

Karkat pushes himself out of his swirly chair and abandons Jade and Officer Captor to the paper work, “Going on a short break,” he mutters.

Without looking up from her paper work, Jade responds, “You already took two smoking breaks and three bathroom breaks Karkat, and it’s not even noon.” 

“Well it’s something different Jade!” Karkat barks back. He scurries along past the other officers into the lounge room. 

He quickly finds the coffee maker with enough for one serving left, but before Karkat could even walk across the room, Vriska somehow ends up next to the appliance with her own personal spider mug in hand. She grabs the coffee pot ready to pour herself a cup without noticing a shocked Karkat. 

Officer Vantas dashes towards the spider troll and throws his hand on top of the mug, “Oh no you don’t, that’s my coffee,” he growls. 

Vriska gives an amused look, “Oh reeeeeeeeally? I think it’s mine, first come first served.” 

“Well it’s mine now. I fucking need it.” Vriska flips his arm away.

“Well I need something to deal with your hoof-beast shit.”

“Right back at ya” Karkat rebuttals. The two trolls stare each other down sensing the fighting urge growing in their system. 

“What are you two doing?” Jade calls from the lounge’s doorway. Both trolls refuse to break eye contact.

“Stay out of this Jade. This just involves two trolls in desperate need of some coffee,” Karkat snarls. 

Officer Harley notices the coffee maker between the two, “Oh you’re kidding me right? It’s just coffee!” 

“Stay out of this Harley!” Karkat continues not turning away.

“Listen to the old troll Jade,” Vriska sneers. 

Karkat’s eyes widen, “Who the fuck are you calling old you miserable excuse for a living organism!” 

The spider troll’s smile widens sensing a tender topic, “You of course! What are you, thirty-sweeps-old?”

“What!” Karkat cries astounded, “I’m sixteen! Nowhere near that age.”

“Do you need a cane elder?” Vriska continues, “I’m sure it’s hard keeping all that weight moving around.”

“Elder? Do I look like I’m old! Do I have grey hair or chipped horns?”

Vriska tries to hold back her laughter, “I can’t tell, your horns are too small.” Karkat then somehow manages to keep his mouth close while he screams.

“Okay everyone, I think we need to take a deep breath,” Jade urges stepping between the two placing a hand on each of them. “It’s just a cup of coffee. It’s not as important as our friendship right?” The trolls don’t answer her. “Friendship?” she whispers. 

Karkat shakes Jade’s hand off of his shoulder, “Fuck that Harley.” He turns to Vriska, “Tell you what; I’ll challenge you for the coffee. A test of pure strength. That won’t be hard for such a young troll.”

Vriska stands up straight a little cocky, “Alright you’re oooooooon. What’s the test?”

Karkat frantically searches for a quick idea, his attention turns to one of the small circular plastic tables in the lounge, “We’ll arm wrestle for the coffee.”

Jade sighs placing her hands on her hips, “Really Karkat? That’s too cliché even for you, not to mention a little Neanderthal.” 

“You’re on Karkat,” Vriska answers Karkat while ignoring Jade. The two trolls and human gather around the tiny table, both trolls throw their right arms on top of the table and grab hold of the other hand. Arms bent upright and ready, Jade watches this train wreck.

“You’re referring, Harley,” Karkat says.

“I don’t approve of this.” The trolls ignore her. “Fine! Have it your way. On the start of three. One . . . Two . . .Three!” The two trolls use their entire strength against the other, the sides sway from one to the other with both sides slightly equal in strength. 

“What is going on here?” Sollux asks walking up next to Jade, “You all have ditched me with the paper work again didn’t you?”

“No no no, these two are just having a small fight,” Jade clarifies.

“Oh really?” Sollux says unimpressed, “I thought these two were engaging in a kismesis. Or,” He continues looking at Jade, “You three are starting a horrible auspistice.”

“What!” Karkat says turning to Sollux and losing his concentration with Vriska, thus leading to her winning the match. “We are nothing like that!” Vriska cheers herself ignoring the others.

Sollux chuckles, “Right right of course,” he assures drinking his coffee.

“Wait, where did you get that coffee?” Karkat questions.

The nerdy officer lifts his personal mug, “This? It’s what remained in the pot. It’s cold, old and fucking tasteless. Why?” Vriska abandons her little personal parade to take notice of Sollux.

“Argh! That’s what we were arm wrestling for idiot!” Karkat rages.

“Whoops.” Sollux understands the situation and quickly gets out before he gets hurt. Karkat drops face onto the table, and Vriska goes back to being bored.

“I told you it was stupid to fight,” Jade nags, but she sees that the trolls are not amused so she leaves the lounge. The other trolls soon follow her, but find that she is not at her desk. 

Ten minutes later Officer Jade Harley returns with two cups of coffee from a nearby coffee shop. She places one cup on each of the trolls’ desk without a word. Karkat watches Jade as she gives him his, and Vriska keeps her eyes down while she mouths a thank you. The trolls quickly slip their coffee and are surprised.

“How did you know the way I liked my coffee Jade?” Karkat asks.

“Yeah, I thought that I was the only one that knew the way I liked my coffee,” Vriska concurs. 

Jade gives a small smile, “It’s because I’m your friend . . . despite what you may think, I do know you.” The trolls do not doubt her. 

After about an hour of paper work, Karkat talks to Jade again, “Thanks for the coffee again Jade, sorry for acting like a-“

“Fuckass is the preferred word,” Jade interrupts. 

“Yeah you sure do like that word,” he says sarcastically to amuse her, “but anyways thanks for the coffee.” 

“You’re welcome Karkat.” The two return to their work, but something is still on Karkat’s mind. 

“Just so you know Jade, we are in no way an auspistice of any sort.” He turns to Vriska, “And I would never be your kismesis.”

Vriska rolls her eyes, “Like you would be lucky enough.” And she returns to her work.

Jade gives a small laugh, “Don’t worry Karkat, I would never want that between us. I’m happy with a friendship.”

The troll and human look at each other once more before returning to their work. “That’s good,” Karkat mutters.


End file.
